Parenting Styles
For some parents, their style of parenting feels more like knee-jerk reactions and doing what they have to do to make it through the day. As much as each parent and family is unique, however, parenting styles are typically seen as best fitting into one of 4 categories. These categories are separated by differences in degree of warmth and demand, among others, and can lead to different benefits and setbacks for the child later in life. Of course, no parenting style is perfect, and choosing one can be a vital early step in the lives of new parents. For this reason, I've outlined the 4 major categories of parenting types with explanations here, as well as some of the pros and cons associated with each.
Permissive
Permissive parenting is characterized by the least expectations and avoiding confrontation with the child. This style ranks high in warmth, but low in levels of demand. These parents are very stand-off in their approach, and often allow their child nearly full autonomy over themselves beginning at an early age. Some reasons that a parent may opt for a permissive style of parenting are insecurity-a fear the child will rebel if any structure is attempted, laziness, and a response to their own authoritarian upbringing causing them resentment towards their own parents and wanting a better relationship with their own children.
Pros:
There are some benefits to the style. The first is that the children reach a level of independence at an earlier age than their peers which can instill a level of confidence in them. Also, this parenting style may be positive in that the child will like the parents, even as far as viewing them like a friend. These are likely to feel comfortable in self-expression, and rarely report feeling traumatized by their parents and their childhood.
Cons:
This style lacks structure that life otherwise provides. If a child is raised in this way, it can distort their view or authority figures, which can cause difficulty in school, and, later, in work. Moreover, research indicates that children of permissive parents emerge from childhood with low education levels, high levels of obesity, and poor dental hygiene.
Neglectful
Also known as uninvolved, neglectful parenting is similar to permissive parents in that the demand is low, but in neglectful parenting the warmth is as well. Neglectful parents pay little mind to their children’s successes and failures. They may provide for their children’s basic needs, but don’t surpass that in Maslow’s hierarchy. They neglect their children's necessities like discipline, guidance, and nurturing.
Pros:
Similar to the permissive type, this stand-off style of parenting allows the child the autonomy to develop a sense of independence earlier than that of many of their peers. This style, however, often doesn’t supply them the emotional support needed to gain the sense of confidence from it.
Cons:
This style of parenting lacks motivation. Some children may develop this on their own, maybe to spite them, but most will settle for complacency. This type of parenting makes the child feel unloved, and can result in an unhealthy attachment style and a lack of social skills.
The next two are similar in the level of power and demand expected of their children. They sound similar, as their name gets its roots from the concept of authorship. By this, it means that the parents in the equation have autonomy and control the narrative.
Authoritative
Authoritative parenting is characterized by high levels of both warmth and demand. This parenting style aligns best with a growth mindset and the ability to learn because its demand level encourages improvement as opposed to authoritarian, which demands perfection. This type of parent is assertive but flexible, and often employs the phrase, “Let’s talk about it.” If this style were a type of government, it would be democratic.
Pros:
This parenting style offers structure that prepares the child for the necessity of conformity in life, but is understanding that children will make mistakes. Parents that utilize this style are often both respected and liked by their children. Children raised with this style develop self-discipline, confidence, and problem-solving abilities.
Cons:
It can be difficult to find the balance that is this parenting style, but it’s widely believed to be the most constructive for the child.
Authoritarian
Also known as disciplinarian, authoritarian parenting ranks low in levels of warmth and high on that of demand. These parents have high expectations and low levels of forgiveness for not meeting these expectations. These parents believe that they are the bosses and place the value of their power above all else. Often, punishments are harsh, and are not for the child’s learning but stem from the embarrassment the parent was caused. This parenting style is domineering, and may result from insecurity in the parent or resentment for the child.
Pros:
As children and even into adulthood for many, this parenting style is effective in promoting obedience. The rebellion this style often drives children to, can result in exceptionally creative individuals. Also, the child always knows where they stand with the parent, and the amount of structure this style provides can provide the child with a sense of security.
Cons:
This style is most likely to bear rebellious children and young adults, and parents that use this style are often not viewed as likable to their children. Those with authoritarian parents are most likely to struggle with mental health and addiction, as, without proper support, they may fall underneath the pressure put on them. This style often causes a child to have low self-esteem and is more likely to emotionally withdraw than others.
Choosing the right parenting style can be a difficult decision and is one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. For many, the parenting style their parents used is that which determined much of their life and is passed along to their children without being given much conscious thought. As you can see, choosing the right parenting style for your kids can determine how they view you, and authority, and life in general, and can set them up for either success or failure that you’re instrumental in. The American Academy of Pediatrics and Healthy Children Organization recommends the authoritative parenting style as best in developing healthy children, but the decision is highly personal, so you should take your time and consider your options when making the decision for yourself.
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